In a time when Girls is considered quality television, I often sit back and wonder where in this world of suicide bombers and North Korean hackers a guy can find a male role model worthy of the space above my bed reserved for a full body fathead.
Right now, the absence of a definitive image of masculine sex appeal may well be the biggest problem facing the United States of America.
Looking back in time there was always a guide. Initially, that man was Theodore Roosevelt. A man whose mildly handle-barred mustache simply stated, IDFWU. Then came the Marlboro man, sucking down a cool devil stick in the hot Arizona sun. Next up was the son of a stunt driver and a prostitute, the badass who could kill you as easily as the three piece suit hanging in his closet, Steve McQueen. Lastly, the nineties saw the diminutive Tom Cruise dominate the silver screen in classics like Top Gun, and my personal favorite, Cocktail.
It’s 2015 and there’s no god. FEAR NOT, I’ve gotten my Mary Shelley on and stitched together 10 guy’s with unique traits that when combined create a man truly worthy of admiration. Imagine, the male version of Cameron Diaz’s legs, that J-Lo booty, Kate Upton’s rack city, and the angelic face of Adriana Lima.
Matthew McConaughey - The Talent
With his golden blonde locks and his chiseled Spartan upper body, Matthew has graced the cover of more People Magazine covers than scantily clad 10s. That was before he lost 38 pounds for his role in Dallas Buyer's Club, beginning the onslaught of outrageously amazing film Matthew has been a party of in his recent manhandling of Hollywood. Dallas Buyer's Club, The Wolf of Wallstreet, True Detective, Intersteller, did I mention TRUE DETECTIVE? This man is so talented that he turned a five minute nihilistic and boozy monologue into the most captivating television scene of the year.
James Franco - The Artist
New York Mag said it best, James Franco is a "Movie star, conceptual artist, fiction writer, grad student, cipher—he’s turned a Hollywood career into an elaborate piece of performance art," noted. Follow his Instagram @Jamesfrancotv to get a taste of his cluttered and busy mind. A master of the selfie who is honing in on 3K posts, the most refreshing thing about Franco is he doesn't take himself too seriously. (Full Article)
Anthony Davis – The Trendsetter
No other man in the history of mankind has reached this level of success, with this level of disregard for commonly held facial hair etiquette (sorry Johnny Bravo). In a power move of the century, Davis has trademarked the phrases “Raise the Brow” and “Fear the Brow.” Davis recently stated, "I don't want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off of it... Me and my family decided to trademark it because it's very unique." Davis’ appeal comes from his bold commitment to have a straight line of hair adorn his forehead, taking a look that was so 6th Century and bringing it to the bright lights of the NBA.
Charlie Sheen – The Crazy
After CBS stopped the production of Two and a Half Men, Charlie released a series of interviews littered with quotes such as “I’m winning, the scoreboard doesn’t lie. When asked about his substance abuse issues, Charlie replied, “"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. It's too much." Every lady likes a little crazy, watch and learn.
Peter Dinklidge – The Myth Breaker (Size Does Not Matter)
Starring as the Imp in HBO’s Game of Thrones, the short man with sharp wit has slept with more woman than you can find in Westeros. It is intellectual capacity that drives this character onward in his quest to shield those he cares from the gilded rage of his Lannister family. It is said nice guys finish last, Peter is proof that smart men finish first.
Clay Matthews – The Flow
The chiseled face of countless sponsors, Clay Matthews hair is the epitome of what every middle school lacrosse player dreams about (and high school, and college). Whether worn long or in a messy bun, his golden locks are a gift from the god’s. For similar hair, I recommend Pantene Pro-Vitamin followed up with a lush volumizing shampoo.
Johnny Depp – The Gypsy
Here is a man who is equally as likely to sleep with your girlfriend as he is to hand you his baby while stealing your wallet. Tattooed, facial haired, and generally heavily made up, Johnny has tried every look on earth and nailed them all. His gift to masculinity is to throw out the rule book, raid the thrift shop, and wear whatever the hell you want.
Bruno Mars – The Michael Jackson X Factor (Without The Creepiness)
Love or hate his music, Bruno has it. His dynamic energy and gyrating hips catapulted him to the forefront of modern pop music. Channeling the King of Pop, Bruno’s quaff hair and retro attire show what you can do with a little elbow grease and enough time in the morning for a full blowout.
James Gandolfini – The Macho
Best known for his role as the Mafia boss Tony Soprano James demonstrated raw appeal of a strong, and often violent man. With 8 on screen whacks and countless assaults, Tony captured the old mantra that might is right. While we do not condone his violent actions, a toned down version of Tony’s aggressive power can certainly rev some engines.
Scott Disick – The Douche
Or should it be Lord Disick. A GNC exec who rose to fame while dating Kourtney Kardashian, Scott is the epitome of the modern ass. With an impeccable sense of style and a flair for showing off his arrogance, Scott is a living example of the power of the wealthy douche. In his own words, “You need to understand. I may be a douche to some people, but I actually do run companies. I make a lot of money, and I’m more than capable of supporting myself. I run multiple companies.”